Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
