you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
