ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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