He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
