she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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