You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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