i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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