I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
