haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
