New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
