sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
