Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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