how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize