was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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