he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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