why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
