i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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