god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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