he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
