I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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