bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
