Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
