I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
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