Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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