; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
