I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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