I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
