onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
