Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
