Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
