Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
