it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's shark week go big or go home
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
