i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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