I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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