she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
