I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
