my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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