Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
