I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
