There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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