there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
