I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Randomize
