I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
