Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
