addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
