I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
