He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
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I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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