Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
