apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
