i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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