Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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