and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
