we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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