i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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