I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
