She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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