I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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