just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
