Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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