I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
