I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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