my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
