so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
