It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
