i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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