my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
