I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
