Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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