where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
