Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
