oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
