So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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