I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
