so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
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That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
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The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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