I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Farmville is her only friend.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
