Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize