Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
