Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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