i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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