2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
