I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Did I show you my penis last night?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize