you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
