I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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