first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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